Anger and Grief

by Annanya Lakshmi Bhaskar

In this journal, I wanted to discuss the podcast episode “The Meaning of Life” with Professor Arthur L. Caplan. In my Nutrition in Aging class last quarter, we would discuss how stressful it would get for elderly patients who were nearing the end of their lives and had not yet finalized their living will but were not able to communicate their wishes to their families or doctors. A living will describes what medical treatment the patient wants and does not want, as well as what should be done if they become incapacitated in some way. In most cases, elderly patients did not believe that they would become unable to communicate their wishes, so they did not bother with drafting a living will. This leaves the patient’s family to deliberate over very serious choices and does not allow the patient to live out his or her life in the way that they truly wanted. The responsibility of the patient’s health goes to the closest remaining family member of the patient, usually their children or spouse. Unfortunately, both my mom and dad have had to deal with this type of situation when my grandparents passed away and it is extremely stressful for everyone involved. In my mom’s case, being an only child left her with an immense amount of pressure when both of her parents became sick. However, it was determined that the main reason my grandfather became sick was due to neglect from the doctors and nurses at the hospital he had been admitted to. After listening to the podcast episode, I couldn’t help but compare how the conversation around medical ethics differs between the United States, and India, which is where my family is from. From what I understand, the hospital staff did not neglect him on purpose, they were just severely understaffed for the number of patients that were staying in the hospital. It is important to note that while India is usually known as a country that treats its elderly with respect, there has been a growing elder abuse problem in the country. This is something I cannot imagine happening in hospitals in the US, and if it did I am sure severe legal action would be taken against the hospital. However in India, the blame for my grandfather’s death was placed on my mom, who had permanently relocated to the US for work, and could only visit her parents every few years. When I found out my relatively healthy grandfather had passed away so suddenly, I felt a sense of anger along with the grief that if my grandfather had been in the US, he would have been treated better and would still be alive today. It is one of the reasons why after his passing, my grandmother moved from India to live with my family.